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This is really just a little blurb about a college film buddy I know that just had a birthday Dec. 1st. I won't tell you that he's 31, because he's really stuck at 27. I also won't tell you his real name (Here comes the explicit part), because in actually I don't know if I have ever called him by it. His real name could be M. Beauchamp, but I generally refer to him as Beachcumfuckballs. Sometimes I get more creative and less offensive: Bakedham (actually a new one), but more likely I'll refer to him as, Bitchfan, Beachcumbuckets, or Crap. You see he started it with wonderful derivatives of my last name way back in the day, and I don't think real names have been used since. So happy birthday you thirty-one year-old M.B. Beachammerstein. May you strike it rich in Portland!

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Well it happened. I told you this would happen. After only a few months of having a blog I've done it, waited over a month to make a post. I knew this would happen and it's typical for my life. Gung ho for the 1st phase, and as long as it's short enough I'll stay gung ho for the rest of it, but drag it out and I'm bound to procrastinate and slack off. My only consolation are those that update less than me, but who gives a rat's ass? I'm really the only one that reads this stuff. Oh sure, maybe some day I'll actually post my Shiv Tips and then people will read all my archived posts to see what other funny things I had to say. And then maybe I'll make a movie with Alton Brown. Could happen, but not likely. Here's to dreamin'...